kenjisan

Funeral thoughts

I want to appreciate everyone for all their strengths and weaknesses, and I want them to know that I'm thinking about them. It's not always an easy thing to do, especially when everything seems to be going to shit and nothing is working out the way it's supposed to. Especially when I'm stubborn enough not to see beyond petty disagreements and lazy enough to sit around when I could be going out and enjoying the company of others.

Because one day, you or me may not be around anymore and I never want to think, "I should have called, one more time. I should have said hello, I was thinking about you."

And in other news...

It's official, Team Ramrod is undefeated in the Barcroft Floor Hockey B League. Yesterday's 4-2 victory over some-team-in-orange sealed it, despite us having to beat them twice before it counted. Now we have two weeks off and the playoffs, which we may or may not be destined to win/lose, depending on how you read the signs.

Results

Why did that guy call my all-in with the 7-4 of hearts? And why did 3 of the next 4 cards have to be hearts? Ah, what a crazy game poker is.

I took fourth and won some more chips. On top of my birthday present chips, I have enough to run a poker tournament without borrowing any. Now I just need to find a space for it.

Life and Death

Last week, one of my co-workers passed away. She would have been 67 years old yesterday. While we mourned at her passing and reminisced funny stories that usually revolved around her grumpy approach to IT, we got ready to throw a baby shower for another one of my co-workers. Birth and death, celebrated and observed one day apart.

I wanted to write something on my thoughts last week, but everything I seemed to come up with had been said before—sometimes by me, sometimes by others far more elegant. So I’ll toss all the “living in the moment” BS to the side and say this: I’m intensely afraid of babies and dying. Babies, because of the responsibility that child-rearing requires and the amount of faith that the world is placing on the parent to nurture another life into a healthy adult. Death, because of the vast unknown that comes at the end of our life, and that scary little voice that suggests maybe it is truly an End.

I’ve been doing quite a bit of thinking about both of these things recently, particularly since my life is in transition right now and these two events mark two of the biggest transitions you can experience. At one point in my life, I didn’t think kids were for me. Everyone told me that I’d “grow into” the idea, and while I’m not ready to have them just yet, the question is really when, not if. Does the same thing happen with the idea of death? As I grow older, will I “grow into” the idea of passing away? Movies always talk about people ready to die. Will that be me?